Sidenote 4 (Goodbyes In Reality)

Hello everyone, Actress here!

First a foremost I must apologise for my absence. When starting this blog I was hoping this would never happen, but I have recently gone through a major life change. Unfortunately it was inevitable.

I myself am quite an emotional person, but not in public. I am an actress. Portraying someone else’s emotions comes so easily to me, but my own… it seems impossible. This past week I have broken this rule and chose to show people a side of me that I am not even comfortable with yet.

For the past two years I have performed on stage with the same people. These people have developed from colleagues to friends to family. Imagine seeing them everyday, before the show (for brunch or shopping or a gym session or just to nap together), during the show, after the show (for drinks or dinner or movie night sleep overs), and on our days off (for all of the above). We have been hand picked and have come together in a foreign country where all we had was each other. Their faces you see everyday, just like you see your own.

Performers are used to being a more open kind of human. We come in all shapes and sizes, skin tones, nationalities, religions, sexuality. We love each other more for it.We are put on stage and made to feel things, touch things, say things we may never have wanted or experienced. 7 shows a week I fell in love, I had my heart broken and I died at the hands of a jealous maniac. The classic tale.

And now it’s over.

I feel the heartbreak I have felt everyday on that stage. The stage that has now been stripped bare as if the past two years have not happened. The family has split up and gone their separate ways with false promises of staying in touch (you always try but lets face it, life goes on, you meet new people, and it just gets harder to uphold that virtual connection). My heart is empty and my brain has not yet accepted this loss.

The fictional characters I’ve played will too be severely missed. They have become a part of me that I will most likely never see or play again. A shadow of my own personality now tucked away.

This is just something that happens. And it will happen time and time again, from contract to contract. My next job, starting in 2 months in a new city is contracted for a year. I will have new colleagues, that’ll turn into friends and soon after a family. After a year we will have to part as well. A constant cycle of heartache that I will just have to get used to.

So this is the reason for my absence. As time heals these wounds I will be here.

Stay tuned and stay woke!


Actress In Reality

14 thoughts on “Sidenote 4 (Goodbyes In Reality)

  1. Hang in there, Actress,

    Write it out and act it out; don’t hold it in. Share, share, share, that’s why we’re all here. I have been married for 23 years and happy for almost as long, but I will never forget the searing pain of separation from dear friends and the freezing despair of heartbreak. You’re in my thoughts as you transition yet again.

    Take care, be well, and fight the good fight,


    Liked by 5 people

  2. I know how you feel… I felt the same when the team of best friends broke up after 6 years together working at a film festival… It’s been more than a year and honestly I am still working on overcoming that loss. After that a film shoot came where I met another ‘family’ but that has parted as well once the shoot was over… and that’s how it’s always gonna be… Tough to live with, but we have to try!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I have changed jobs and places to live too many times to know this pain. And i hope u will heal in time but u know the pure joy of accidentally meeting up with someone from a long time ago is awesome too. So keep on the lookout who knows πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Such poignant words. Sometimes it’s easier to display our true feelings through a medium, like writing them down. It helps me process too. Write it out and continue working through it. People will come and go from our lives. They give something to us and take something for themselves. This is what makes us who we are. In a way, I think this helps me remember to enjoy what and who I have in my life because everything is temporary. Cherish them!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Absolutely agree. I started this blog as an outlet for opinions. Unfortunately speaking your mind these days end in full arguments and you can’t get one word out. So this definitely helps!

      This experience has made me a thankful for the friends that do stay, and do stay in touch. Just thankful that I do get to meet so many people. Some people don’t get the Opportunity to work with so many different people.

      Thank you for reading 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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