Hello everyone, Actress here!
First a foremost I must apologise for my absence. When starting this blog I was hoping this would never happen, but I have recently gone through a major life change. Unfortunately it was inevitable.
I myself am quite an emotional person, but not in public. I am an actress. Portraying someone else’s emotions comes so easily to me, but my own… it seems impossible. This past week I have broken this rule and chose to show people a side of me that I am not even comfortable with yet.
For the past two years I have performed on stage with the same people. These people have developed from colleagues to friends to family. Imagine seeing them everyday, before the show (for brunch or shopping or a gym session or just to nap together), during the show, after the show (for drinks or dinner or movie night sleep overs), and on our days off (for all of the above). We have been hand picked and have come together in a foreign country where all we had was each other. Their faces you see everyday, just like you see your own.
Performers are used to being a more open kind of human. We come in all shapes and sizes, skin tones, nationalities, religions, sexuality. We love each other more for it.We are put on stage and made to feel things, touch things, say things we may never have wanted or experienced. 7 shows a week I fell in love, I had my heart broken and I died at the hands of a jealous maniac. The classic tale.
And now it’s over.
I feel the heartbreak I have felt everyday on that stage. The stage that has now been stripped bare as if the past two years have not happened. The family has split up and gone their separate ways with false promises of staying in touch (you always try but lets face it, life goes on, you meet new people, and it just gets harder to uphold that virtual connection). My heart is empty and my brain has not yet accepted this loss.
The fictional characters I’ve played will too be severely missed. They have become a part of me that I will most likely never see or play again. A shadow of my own personality now tucked away.
This is just something that happens. And it will happen time and time again, from contract to contract. My next job, starting in 2 months in a new city is contracted for a year. I will have new colleagues, that’ll turn into friends and soon after a family. After a year we will have to part as well. A constant cycle of heartache that I will just have to get used to.
So this is the reason for my absence. As time heals these wounds I will be here.
Stay tuned and stay woke!
Actress In Reality